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Defining things

 To define something is to refine it, explain it, shape it, and give it more information or clarity. Tangible objects can be defined much like an artist creates sculpture. Either by adding to something (clay, adding and building something up) or by chipping away (stone sculpture where you remove the excess bits).  Intangible things, like life - are a combination of this, most of the time. The things that define us as people are both adding to our souls and minds, and chipping at our spirit away at the same time.  I have recently experienced this in a very intense and concentrated manner. The massive building up and expansion of personal skills and creativity, building something amazing in an unrealistic timeline without nearly enough resources and then being shattered by an ill-timed critique or material damages, or simple burn-out from 19-hour days for several days straight. This is what defines us. These things that Build and the things that Break. The building and the breaking are m
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Impossibilities.

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  Rome wasn't built in a day, they say. Rome was built over many many decades, and the Roman Empire was, at it's height, the most powerful government in the world.  What about my Rome? Will I be leaving a legacy that impacts people all over the world? Will I have such a profound impact on languages, sciences, mathematics and law that for centuries after, most people in the world will be using it? Obviously no. I'm one person - not a powerful empire with a military army that did everything they could to conquer the world. So what about my world? My world is much, much smaller. My world contains my love and my family and my friends. My world is my home, and my work and the things I do that make me happy.  My world is my business - one where I'm setting out to conquer my empire. Can I do it alone? Doubtful. Do I have a militia? No - but I have an army friends and family that think I'm pretty OK, and they support me. This is madness - I fear everyday that my future is g
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Taking stock.

 This is been an astounding 10 weeks. I resigned from my safe day job and left at the end of February 2022, to go on my crazy adventure. By the end of March 2022 - I built a website, opened a shop (with incredible help from friends and family - thank you again ) bought inventory for the said shop, met clients, launched projects, installed lighting for clients, and made 5x the revenue I expected in the first month. By the end of April 2022, I'd employed a person part-time, invoiced almost as much as in March, expanded the product range, built the online store (soon to be live), and set up another few (almost confirmed) but amazing projects. I was also the victim of theft - someone stole my precious Eve. My not-quite-over-the-hill-but-still-better-than-yours MacBook Pro - to which I clung with sentimentality more than with need. It was a lovely and elegant thing to work on. I suddenly had the stress and pressure of police, detectives, insurance, and the "joy" of buying a ne
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Level up. Not a request.

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 I had an English teacher in early high school that had fun methods to teach us about literature. She had us do an analysis of a song of our choice (asking 15 year-olds this in 1999, is hilarious in hind-sight) and then we needed to identify metaphors, similes, double meanings, symbolism and so forth, and then present an oral to the class.  I crashed and burned a little with this assignment, because in an attempt to be cool I chose a song from The Smashing Pumpkins; it was not a very deep and complex piece of writing (I'm still a fan of the Pumpkins, don't get me wrong. Mellon Collie is still a favourite album.) but this song was just "what"? The exercise did, however, cement in me the need to listen to lyrics on another level. For all songs thenceforth. I even attach to songs emotionally as a result, often subconsciously.  A previous post explained the process of being in a cocoon at the moment. At the time of typing there are 12 calendar days left in this cocoon per
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Enjoying the cocoon.

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 Transition. Change. New things. Some people love the process of change, some detest it.  I can go either way on the subject - change is good, inevitable. I do find I get very impatient though, but I'm typically happy once it's settle into the 'new'. Much like the larvae in the cocoon, a big life change can be entirely life-altering. You go into the situation - moving house, changing jobs, a new relationship - hopeful and excited, but you know this will wane over time. The hope is it that it takes longer than just a few weeks or a few days.  What happens inside a butterfly's chrysalis is both gross and mesmerising. The entire caterpillar "melts" and becomes re-assembled - no only re-born, re-assembled as various cells en up in different places to when it was a caterpillar. This is a pure miracle. And we're subject to the same - we can completely re-start ourselves. (Don't try to melt, you're not actually  a caterpillar). This transition period
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Catch 22

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 The dangers of not giving a darn. I really want to use a word stronger than "darn", but I feel some responsibility to keeping this blog PG, at least. It's possibly the most dangerous mental space any human can be in.  Indifference.  [1a : marked by a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern for something : apathetic indifferent to  suffering and poverty .  b : marked by no special liking for or dislike of something; indifferent about which task he was given.] What a head-space. Working hard because that's the back-bone you were born with; always giving your best because you have a strong work ethic, but hating so much of what you do and the reasons for doing it because you have a moral streak and you can do better for other people. Catch 22?  Maybe we just shouldn't have morals. Perhaps we're better off not wanting better, for ourselves or the world. With global warming and the chaos with a pandemic, maybe it's wiser trying not to live longer, the world m
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The One With The Fear

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Iconic and binge-worthy series F.R.I.E.N.D.S has an episode in season 3, where Rachel realises she hates her job and she quits, quite impulsively. The guys talk her into it by persuading her she needs "The Fear" to make work of getting a new job that she might actually like.  I feel a lot like Rachel at the moment. Many times we become complacent and static and stuck without the fear.  The Fear is about more than just getting the motivation to start a new job or career path; The Fear presents in many forms, like different monsters hiding in your closet. The New-Job-Fear is one thing. The I'm-Scared-Of-Failing-Fear is a totally other thing. So too is the What-If-They-Don't-Like-Me-Fear. The latter is applicable outside of a work-space, but still relevant. I'm learning and processing the thinking around these fears - and figuring out how to deal with it. You need to shift that fear - out of yourself, into your competition. Even into your allies - they need to know t
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